I had four teeth. Now I have 5. This whole process sucks by the way. I'm not even convinced I need any more than 4 teeth. Did anyone ask me if I wanted more? I don't think so. OK so maybe some at the back might be useful if they would help me grind up my meat but more at the front? I'm not convinced yet.

Get back to me once I've had a few months to get used to them. Prepare for a lack of enthusiasm.

I climbed a flight of stairs today. No big deal. Except it was like climbing a mountain! Have you seen the size of me compared to those stairs? And let me tell you I didn't even break a sweat. What did I do once I was up there? Not a lot - before long I was picked up and taken back down again. This was not as traumatising as it sounds as I was a bit worried about getting down again. I still haven't figured that part out yet. I'm sure it must involve some sort of winch system though, right? Levers?

I was just thinking how I really wanted to show my appreciation for the Parents. Since I don't really really have many words at my disposal and I heard that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery I thought I would just imitate them instead. They seemed pretty pleased. I hope they will always like it this much when I copy them!

I've been waving at them and shaking my head when daddy does his silly head shaking thing at me. I don't know what that's all about but it's best to humour him as it will probably be worth having him on side one of these days.

Not sure what to imitate next. Perhaps something like "sleeping through the night" or "not trying to stick my hands down the toilet"? Nah, best stick to something they will really appreciate like saying "oy oy oy"!

Remote controls. Pretty awesome, am I right? Well I made a discovery today. All those wicked buttons I love to press so much do things!

Press the button, check the screen to see what I did. Rinse, repeat.

I feel pretty pleased with myself for figuring this out. I'm not sure anyone else knows so I should figure out how best to use this knowledge before they cotton on. Use it for good? Or maybe for evil. Too hard to choose, so maybe both...

I'm not standing for this. Ok I'll stand for that. Yes indeed I am now standing up with the aid of the bars on my cot.

There is a good reason that I'm standing in my cot. It's because I can't think of a single other thing to do in it. Sleep? Don't be silly, I'll teach myself to stand instead.

I'm looking forward to applying this new skill outside the realm of the bedroom. Goodness me there must be so many items that have previously been out of reach that I can chew on, bash or otherwise destroy! Yippee!

I had fish and chips today. And not just any fish and chips - Yorkshire fish and chips! Apparently there's something about fish and chips that gets better the more northerly you have it. So I'm told.

So I ate Yorkshire fish and chips while sitting virtually naked on the beach on an overcast day. I don't think I could get any more British. Go me!

It was delicious, by the way, but with no previous frame of reference I really don't know if northern fish and chips is better than southern fish and chips. Also, having had what is supposedly the BEST fish and chips, I'm just being set up for disappointment for the rest of my life (when eating fish and chips). Call that responsible parenting??

I have conquered the steps! I told you it wouldn't take long.

I now have access to all the amazing things left on the floor in the dining room and under the Welsh dresser. I literally can't wait until the Parents' backs are turned and then I will plunder the forbidden treasures up there.

My only slight concern is getting down again. I've not quite thought about how to tackle the return journey, but... what am I talking about? Who wants to go back to the lounge? It's positively boring in comparison.

My next conquest will be the kitchen drawer so I can get a bottle opener...

Teeth are cool, right? I hope so because I've just sprouted a new pair, top middle.

Man, these ones hurt and I'm going to play hell about it. I think it's my right.

Anyway, just think about all the cool things I'll be able to eat once these bad boys are through... slightly less soft things! Although I still don't have any molars so I have no way to chew anything properly - just to gum it into submission.

This is some cruel practical joke of nature, isn't it? Why don't I get molars first? Then at least I could chew the food I manage to gum all the way to the back of my mouth.

Hey nature! I hope you're reading this! Seriously, take some constructive criticism, please.

There are two steps between the lounge and the dining room. The Parents have not 'James-proofed' the dining room area yet (whatever that means) and so I am making it my mission to scale these mountainous obstacles.

Success will be mine, you'll see. Far sooner than you expect!

You will NOT BELIEVE what happened today. OK you might, but you will be SHOCKED to your very core.

Some terrible, terrible things happened to me today. I will make a list:

1. I was made to wear a dress (Dad if you're reading this, dress, gown, WHATEVER, OK?)
2. The 'gown' had pink on it. I realise I shouldn't be concerned about these gender stereotypes and rising above it, but not everyone is as forward thinking as I am.
3. I fell asleep in church. I take full responsibility for that but I can't account for what happened next...
4. I was rudely awakened by having water splashed - yes, literally splashed - at my face. What kind of a way to rouse a small child is that, I thank you?
5. I then had oil rubbed on my head
6. Then I was taken back home where there were LOADS of people. So overwhelming!

I assume this all has some significance but I have to say I was just glad to get my head down after all that. Zzzz...